So what have I been doing you ask?

A whole lot of nothing really.

I am flat broke, as in, I have $2 and some change to do till whenver work decides to send me a paycheck. Ty has decided he does want to come back home, we're trying to work things out etc.. but I'm definately not ready for him to come home yet. Oh yeah, he's flat broke too. LOL.. all this time he blamed ME for spending the money.. and I haven't touched his paycheck since he was paid almost two weeks ago, and he has nothing. HA! Hows that for a wake up call? Granted he's spent money on us, but all in all, the majority of it except for what he has to pay in child support (which is what I used to pay rent) gets blown on.. well.. nothing really. Junk. Lots of junk food.

There are a few things I want to change for a while before he comes back:

Learn to deal with money. My god REALLY.. is it really a necessity to stop at a convience store and buy $15 bucks worth of crap?? This is *every* day. That is $105 a week, plus gas, plus whatever, and then sometimes he stops on the way home and buys beer. I don't spend that much a week on food and everything for all 5 of us. There are NEEDS and there are WANTS.. and right now, we can barely afford what we NEED, time to put the wants aside and learn to appriciate them kwim? Besides, I'd really like it if we could get more frugal and crunchy as a family ya know?

Learn to talk to me!! It's just NOT cool to just *leave* kwim? I want him to tell me where he's going and at least what time he's going to be back, and not just use the where he's going (aka, gotta run to work) and then go somewhere else. Oh that really burns my ass. If I say I was going to my mom's and stopped at the dollar store on the way home, he wouldn't talk to me for a week, even if I was back before I said I would be.. but it's perfectly ok for him to leave at 1 in the afternoon and not come back till.. 2 or 3 in the morning. screw that.

Umm.. sex. the sex is really good. we'll leave that one there. ;)

Kids... Do things with them.. talk to them, spend time with them even if it's just cuddling on the couch and watching a movie.. just.. acknowledge they exist ya know? Go to the silly plays, and be PROUD.. they're kids, not mini adults, they aren't doing things that are as good as you can do them because they are still learning.. I just can't say how special it makes a child feel to know they have a grownup that thinks the world of them. I remember as a kid singing my little heart out on stage in the church play, and even though my singing was worse than a drunken frog, they were still proud.

Priorties.. self disicpline.. we need that. He needs that, I need that, the kids need that, the cat needs it.. everybody does.. without it, we wouldn't be able to function. Without goals, hopes, dreams.. there's just not a point of being. Even if surviving is your only goal, at least you've got something to work towards kwim? There's so much more to life than just declaring "By the time I'm 40 I will be making x amount of money" That's just.. well it's crap. What are you neglecting along the way to get to that goal? Who misses out? There is just so much more to life ya know?

I'm sure I can think of more.. but here's a list of good things he does..

He talks to me now. We spend time together, we are slowly getting to where we can discuss a future again..

He tells me he loves me. I know.. trivial, but I can't tell you how special it is.. it's like, the icing on the cake kwim?

He calls, he comes over.. It's really nice to have him around now.. for a while it was like "shouldn't you be at work already?" and now it's like.. I'm happy to see him.. I WANT to see him and I miss him when he's gone. He pretty much comes over every day, which is really nice.

he's talking to the kids.. they aren't just annoying pets anymore.. he spends time with them, plays with them and even talks to them while he's at work.

He added all of us to his insurance which owwie.. it's going to really be hard on us finacially but at least we can stand on our own with that much when we get back together.

Did I say the sex was really really good? ahh sorry. =O)

Ok.. enough about husbands..

I have been doing stuff.. bettering stuff, bettering myself, etc. I'm learning more and more to let go and stop worrying every day. I'm waiting on several things so right now life (moneywise) is kind of hard. There's nothing I can do for now, I've ranted and checked up all I can, so I only get a little antsy right before the mail comes, and when I see that I didn't get anything yet I move on and focus on me and the kids. We'll manage for now, and we can still be happy meanwhile. "Let go and let God" has been a major trial for me since September. Learning to follow ones own advice isn't as easy as it seems!

So tra la la for today.. I'll write back soon!