I do love him, I know I want to be with him but then again, there is so much I can't deal with. Drinking, lying, hiding.. secrets for starters.

I'm not looking for perfection.. not even close.. but I do need security. I need to be able to trust again. I need to be able to believe, to be close to each other etc. These things are going to have to get worked out before he comes back if anything.

I have to go for now, manday wants to go outside.