Who was it that said "It takes a village to raise a child"? Because that is SO true to me at least. My mom, dad, sister, church, neighbors, friends etc.. all take a part in raising my kids. Without these people, my kids would have a harder time understanding that there are different ways to live, different ways to think, to *be* kwim? And if it were *all* on me, I don't know how I would deal. My parents take my kids for a few hours a day at least once a week. My sister takes the older girls to do "big girl" things (shopping and movies etc) My church is there to set an example (and no, not all in the church are perfect but at least around my kids they show love and kindness).

The way things are now make me feel really sad. We (as in the US in general) tend to think we are taking the high road in "I can do this myself". We no longer tend to focus on what is best for the kids as much as what makes us look "strong" kwim? I'm not speaking of organic foods or home schooling or how we parent, but the underlying fear of "If I can't do this by MYSELF then I'm not a good person" kwim? It runs deep. I think it starts with doubt. Doubt about how capable we were really are of taking care of ourselves, our families, our kids. The idolized woman in this country tends to be the mom that goes out and works full time, cooks supper on time every night, has the kids in several activities, exercises regularly so she can keep her size 6 figure, has the best sex life since Aphrodite , constantly entertains friends with parties and get togethers and I'll be darned if she doesn't have good hair and a perfect complexion.

These views set us up for failure.. throw in the lack of TIME, the lack of inner PEACE and the inability to love what we DO have and not what we might get if we work those extra hours or stay up late.. it's no wonder so many women are headed straight for burnout. A mama can't turn to anyone much of the time.. mainly because the other mamas are going through the same thing, and if this mama reaches out, instead of saying I need you! She is afraid she will be seen as "You are incompetent!" Which is just not the case in reality, but it IS the case in our "ideals".

So all that really does add up.. and it affects our kids in ways we'd never dreamed. How many of us have worried about money, a fight with dh or what the neighbor did while we were doing daily "tasks" with our kids?

Instead of saying we should help one another we say.. do it yourself! You shouldn't yell at your kids. You shouldn't have a messy house. You shouldn't look like a bum on a bad day. You shouldn't be overweight. You shouldn't be broke, you shouldn't need to get away. You shouldn't have mental illnesses, you shouldn't make mistakes, you shouldn't get sick, you shouldn't be lazy. You shouldn't have kids if you can't be a perfect person. Period. And yes, that IS the underlying message in just about everything I've read, heard and seen it everywhere. We focus on what shouldn't be done, and what we think SHOULD be done, instead of really and truly saying... "You look tired, let me help." Instead we focus on.. "Why is she so tired? I'm not tired, this isn't right. If she's going to be tired then she shouldn't have had so many kids. She doesn't have priorities. If I help her to much then she'll take advantage of me. I don't want to watch her kids, I don't want to fix her a dinner. No one has done that for ME!!! What about ME???"

Selfishness. The one trait almost every human in this world has. We are selfish because we can't *HAVE* it all, therefore we don't want to *GIVE* it all. We get, we want more. We get that, we want more. Why aren't we happy? Because the more we get the more we want and the harder those goals become to obtain. In the end we're all stuck side by side, even holding hands, with tunnel vision. We worry about everyone else from afar but our problems are the only things we really *see*. We separate ourselves because we're either better than or less than, but rarely if ever, equal. We run in circles trying to create the perfect child, we will do anything to create our own flesh and blood but we can't care for another person's child because somehow, that's not "Good enough".

When it comes down to it, the reason motherhood and life in general is so hard is because we make it that way. We have expectations that have been instilled since birth, some acquired and some made up out of thin air. When it comes down to it, we can't be the do all, am all because we're human, and humans are made to be brothers and sisters. We're made to lean on each other, we're made to call each other up and have a cuppa joe. We're made to say, so and so is having a hard day, lets do something nice. But we don't because we choose not to. In the end, no support, no REAL friends = abusive mothers, angry people, depression and the general feeling of being unloved.