I think, just maybe, somehow, I have become one of the Perky People. This scares me.

I don't know how I got this way, I used to be one that questioned life, my sense of being, had that lost feeling etc. Where did all that go??

Now I'm afraid I'm shallow, and somewhat perky. ugh.

I don't question being or what's happening anymore. I've come to realize that no matter what I go through, someone else has been through it before me, and the wheel of fate just tends to fall randomly. I think the biggest realization of it all is that the little green people with 3 eyes and tenticles really aren't out to get me, unless I refuse them access to my coco pebbles. heh =O)

I've decided that whatever I do, I can do it, or die trying. It's all a matter of how hard I'm willing to work at it. Some things just aren't worth it. (Like the perfect figure) But when I do decide something is worth working for, I'd better do my best, just because that's me. However, there will always be someone better, and someone worse, and that's just life, just the way it is.

I can't change the people around me, I can't force my husband into the perfect mate or make my children behave so well that they get Good Citizens Awards. However, I *can* change me, and that's what matters. If I don't like the situation, I can find a way to get out. Used to I felt like I had to wait for other people to change, because in a weird sort of way I thought I *needed* them. The thing was, I picked the *worst* people to hang around, because I wanted to help. I dont make any sense to myself I tell ya.

Anyways.. I guess I got this way partly through church, partly through flylady. Flylady says, you can't beat yourself over things you do wrong, or don't do at all. The friendly people at church say you can't spend your life wondering why it is, how it should be or how it could have been, because well, it just is, and it's better to go from there, and if things are bad, make them better.

I think my biggest problem in the past was blaming other people for my mistakes. "I wouldn't have started smoking if..." or "I wouldn't have done this if..." The only "if" should have been, "if I hadn't have made the choice to do this." Yes people have a very strong influence in my life, but in the end, *I* made these choices, so therefore I should either be happy with them or change them, and not wait for others to do it for me.

So there aren't anymore questions about life for me.. sure I get upset at life, but I bitch and then go on.. I can't stay depressed about my situations. I'm *gasp* to perky I suppose.

Tada for now, I'm going to find some breakfast so I can feel better. Did you eat your Wheaties this morning?